Wednesday, 10 March 2010
When decapitation is not enough
Not having the best day today. Well, I didn't have the best night either.
What with a combination of a sleepless son, and me in pain, unable to settle, feeling frustrated which in turn makes you even more stressed out and then unable to sleep and that makes the pain worse made for a simply bad night.
My son woke just before 11 so I went up to see him. By the time he settled back down, Mick was also in bed. I got in, but it took ages to even get comfortable, it was really horrible. Then it was 2am, I was just lying there and in comes nipper again. He is like this some days, just wakes up, no idea why, love to get to the bottom of it.
It's not like he wakes me up either really, usually I am either already awake or sleeping so lightly I just react to him. So I put him back to bed and then before you know it it's morning and I've had no sleep again.
Sleeping pills are not even something I would consider. What I need is natural healthy sleep, but fibromites tend not to get the deep sleep so even those of us who get an eight hour night often wake up feeling like they haven't been to bed, so you are onto a no win situation before you even start. However, if I could just get the pain under control, then I think the sleep issues would ease somewhat.
So today I've not been good. I have been typing garbage, unable to co-ordinate myself, been going to do something then totally losing the plot and forgetting and I really should be in bed, but I have stuff to do.
For anyone out there that doubts the existence of Fibromyalgia and who thinks it is 'all in your head' and that you can 'think yourself better', I'd love to be able to swap with you for a day and see how you like it. If I could think myself better, I'd be there already, and if it was all in my head, then I'd quite happily have a frontal lobotomy, but you know what? It's not in our heads, it's in our bodies, our whole central nervous system is messed up. I certainly didn't put that on my wish list, doubt anyone else did either.
Maybe if I ask Santa nicely, he might send me a pain free day for Christmas, I can but try!