Wednesday, 19 May 2010
Feeling a bit yuck today. The last couple of days I’ve felt kind of ‘lost’ in my head. I have these periods, not down days as such but just days where everything suddenly feels that bit overwhelming and I can’t cope with stress or friction of any kind and it has felt like that. I’ve not slept very well, not just because the nipper seems to be having a phase, but just not sleeping well again, and my body is complaining a lot.
It’s really hard when you don’t look unwell at all, for people to realise your limitations and how you might be feeling. Some days I feel like I’ve got tons of energy and some days I am wondering where it’s going to come from.
One thing I have learned though, people lose interest very quickly, or forget, or both, and then forget that just because you are smiling doesn’t mean its all working. I don’t mind this most of the time since I’m not the type to feel sorry for myself, but sometimes I just think ‘Come on, give me a break here, I’m not superwoman, I’m barely a woman some days’.
Something which people might not know about Fibromyalgia sufferers is that strange things can bug them. Because we feel pain so much more amplified than a normal person, even things like clothes can bug us. They do me, I am constantly fiddling with my bra strap if it even moves a centimetre out of place, and some clothes I just sit in all day moving about because I can’t bear the feel of them on my skin. It’s horrible and I wish there was some magic cloth we could all wear to stop the irritation.
Another interesting thing I learned and I think it makes sense to me is about a condition called Myofascial Pain Syndrome. Unlike Fibromyalgia pains which roam and attack random places, Myofascial pain syndrome is like having knotted muscles in places on your body where you get constant pain and referred pain from it to other areas. I have roaming pain, wonders around, be in my hips one day, legs the next, shoulders, knees etc, but I always have constant pain in my neck and I have knots in my shoulders like tight knots of muscles which if I touch them can set off a headache in seconds and send pains down my arms. Apparently, a lot of MPS triggers Fibro and also that a lot of whiplash victims get MPS. It makes sense that I have both since I have the knots and constant pain in my neck, and the other pains of Fibro with the sleep issues, restless legs, IBS, carpel tunnel etc, so I shall ask about that next time I’m at the doctors as I need to ask them about the bony lump in my hand, and the strange indentation of my leg (just put me down doc, I’m falling to pieces!).
Still, through all that though (and I know I sound like a moaning old codger), I am happy you know, things could be worse. I do have days where I have the ‘why me’ attitude and it’s hard not to some days when you are in constant pain isn’t it, but I do love my life, and am lucky to have a chance at one.
Still, I send out my best wishes and hugs to my fibromite friends and hope you are not suffering today.